This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
