Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
