I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
