I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
