i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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