I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
