You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
