I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
