Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
