oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
