Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
