As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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