you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
