She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
