With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
