the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
