Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
