i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
vagina is talking i cant
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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