i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
