O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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