dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
