i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
