so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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