My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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