It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
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