His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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