remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
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