that's an acceptable place to lick
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
