Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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