Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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