Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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