What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
