This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
