R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
