try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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