My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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