Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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