I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
