Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
