So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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