Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
