I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
