I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
