we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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