Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
