The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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