My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
