you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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