Have you finally orgasmed yet?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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