Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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