I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
