is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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