so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
