I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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