I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hippo gnu deer
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
