Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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