so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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