just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
