Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
